Erin Quiqley’s son Ned spent 40 days in the NICU after he was born at 33 weeks. Here is her experience, her best NICU advice, and what she wishes someone would have told her on her first day in the NICU. A huge thank you to Erin for taking the time to write this article and share her expertise!
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From day one – literally, almost from conception – my son Ned was an active baby who liked to make his mama worry. So maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised when, at 33 weeks pregnant, I woke up in the middle of the night barreling into active labor.
We made it to the hospital just in time, and after two intense hours with some med students who insisted it couldn’t be happening like this, Neddy was born. I got to hold him for just a few seconds before he was whisked off to the NICU in a warming contraption.
“Unprepared” doesn’t even begin to describe how we felt. Breastfeeding class wasn’t for a few weeks! On the first day we got some woefully inaccurate information – that Neddy would need just a few extra days in the hospital and then we’d be home.
But that was far from the truth. Our NICU stay was 40 days – we had to wait as he grew and learned how to coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing.
We were lucky that he had few complications and was generally healthy. But he had a floppy airway, a tongue tie, a lip tie, a high palate and a set-back jaw, and I had a low supply and a slow flow, all of which made breastfeeding one of the biggest challenges of my life.
When the lactation consultant showed up in my room just a few hours after birth with a hospital-grade breast pump, I didn’t have the slightest idea what she was talking about.
I didn’t know how hard pumping would be, or how scary a desat (baby’s low blood oxygen concentration) during feeding would feel, or how quickly pumping around the clock and worrying about my baby’s well-being in a scary hospital setting would lead me into the wilderness of postpartum anxiety.
And I certainly didn’t know we wouldn’t be able to establish breastfeeding, and I’d still be pumping 7 months later.
The NICU while we were there was full of other families just like ours, facing the same fears and obstacles. It was a world that was totally new, but quickly became all-consuming. Since we’ve been home from the hospital, I’ve thought a lot about what would have made those first days pumping milk in the NICU a little easier.
Here’s a few things I learned that might help other NICU moms who are pumping while struggling with feeding issues, low supply, and postpartum depression or anxiety. Hope it helps!
1. Get a lactation consultant
Get a lactation consultant, and stick with the same one over time if possible.
You will HATE them at first because they’re telling you to do things that seem impossible. But, honestly, they have the knowledge. And everyone has different advice, so maintaining just a few sources can help keep you sane.
2. Take advantage of hospital resources
Take advantage of the hospital’s resources. Rent the hospital-grade pump. Buy supplies from the store. Take anything free that the lactation department will give you.
Talk to every single nurse or doctor you can. Hoard supplies from your baby’s room. And, use the social workers and psychiatrists and the cheap food at the cafeteria to take care of YOU.
You (and hopefully your insurance) are paying a gajillion dollars to be there – don’t be shy.
3. It may take a while for your milk to come in
It’s okay if it takes a while for your milk to come in.
I didn’t pump anywhere near the target amount after the first week, and I thought I’d lost my chance at breastfeeding. But I kept pumping around the clock and didn’t give up, and eventually my supply was fine.
It was never too much, and wasn’t enough when he was older, but it was just right when my baby needed it most.
Many other women will be in this same boat. It’s frustrating to hear about other moms building up their freezer supply just a few weeks after giving birth, but that’s not always the case, or even typical.
4. You need to pump frequently
Pumping all day and all night is awful, but, like I said, YOU CAN DO IT.
It’s important to keep up about seven to eight pumping sessions a day until your supply starts to regulate. You will be more exhausted than you have ever been, and if you’re anxious like I am, the relentless schedule may start to take a toll on your brain.
Making milk is HARD on your body in the best of circumstances, and being in a hospital setting worrying about your baby is hard on your mind. Know this going in and cut yourself some slack. It doesn’t have to be pretty and you don’t have to handle it with grace. Just doing it is what matters.
Give yourself longer stretches between pumping sessions at night to make sure you can get some sleep. Try to figure out how to get five hours of sleep a night in one chunk IF it’s possible for you – that’s what the brain needs to process traumatic events (like, you know, a scary birth and a baby in the NICU).
5. Do breast compressions
Use your hands when you pump – breast compression is one of the BEST and easiest ways to get more out of each pumping session.
6. Use a hands-free pumping bra
Buy or make a hands free pumping bra, and shop online for some clothes that make pumping easy.
Don’t hold off thinking that “maybe I won’t have to pump for very long,” because it will make your life easier right away.
The best pumping clothes for me turned out to be nursing tank tops worn under zip-up hoodies, which allowed for fast access to both boobs at once (not all nursing clothes are designed for that).
Hands-Free Pumping Bras
7. Get multiple sets of pump parts
Get a set of pump parts for the hospital and another set for home, maybe more.
The more sets you have the less frequently you have to wash (and you will quickly start to hate washing) or carry back and forth. Same with bottles for feeding baby, although the hospital will take care of this until you go home.
8. Sometimes less is more
Sometimes pumping less is pumping more. When my supply was stagnant at the beginning, I begged a lactation consultant to tell me what else I could do.
She said to add more pumping sessions. I broke down in front of her because I didn’t feel like that was physically possible. A friendly nurse saw, and, once the lactation consultant was gone, let me in on a secret – a well-rested and relaxed mama produces more milk.
If you don’t rest, she said, you’ll never increase your supply. So, I decided to drop a pumping session rather than add one (from 8 to 7 per day). I felt less anxious, and my milk supply went UP instead of down.
Moral of the story – do what YOU have to do to feel better and the milk will follow.
9. Stay hydrated
Hydrate hydrate hydrate – this is more important than any supplement.
But also consider supplements if you have to – the lactation consultants can help you with this (supplements should be a last resort after you’ve tried everything). Oatmeal is actually super helpful and super easy.
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10. Try not to stress
Try, try, try not to worry about how much you are pumping. The more you worry the less you pump. Make it fun!!
11. Try power pumping
Power pumping really works (I did 10 minutes/10 off for an hour at least once a day for the first month).
Do it while you’re in the hospital because there are tons of nurses around to help you take care of your baby. It’s really hard to fit in once you’re home.
12. Exclusive pumping is an option
If breastfeeding doesn’t work out eventually, exclusive pumping is an option.
Many LCs and nurses don’t really know this and will act like it’s all or nothing, breastfeeding or formula. It’s not. People pump for a year, or longer. I’m not one of them (I’m weaning off the pump at 7 months).
But if you decide you want to, you can.
13. Formula is okay
Formula is okay. Really. It’s okay. Neddy started eating more than I could pump at around 4 months.
I felt like I was failing him, and hated myself for not being able to do more. But any amount of breast milk is an awesome amount. Seriously, celebrate it because every bit you give your baby is worth it.
And, at the same time, deciding to pump less so that you can feel better, or get more sleep, or whatever you need to be a more present, less anxious mom, is okay.
Formula is a useful tool our modern society has developed to help moms in your position. Channel your strong baby-nourishing energy into researching the best formula for your baby’s special needs (reflux? check).
I’m curious what other NICU moms out there have experienced. What other NICU advice do you have? Share in the comments!
Comments & Chitchat
Rivkah says
I really needed to hear this. My daughter was born at 32 weeks. She’s 19 days old, still in the nicu. I was only able to see her twice in the first 2 weeks because they had me on a magnesium drip for preeclampsia, and then I got shingles. I’m lucky if I can get 30ml out of a session. This gives me the hope I need right now.
Alexandria Pacheco says
I had my son at 28 weeks and he’s 32 weeks and 5 days today. I’m still having a hard time with pumping, hopefully I’m able to produce more for him.
Ismery says
Uuugh! This was soooo accurate, especially the part where we hate the washing of the pump parts (I thought I was the dirtiest mom!!). Thank you for this! Everything was beatifully said. Not all the time we’ll handle it with grace…
Melissa says
This was so helpful to read! I’m still struggling with weaning off pumping every 3 hours. My little one is trying to breastfeed with a shield (she will be 1 month tomorrow) and she doesn’t quite get it yet. When do you start decreasing the pumping. I know you said not between 2-5am. I did eliminate one pump last week and got clogged ducts… ugh. I’m hoping she catches on to breastfeeding in the next week or so without shield. What’s your advice on pumping tho?
Thanks!
Amanda Glenn says
I would see how nursing goes. If you’re doing weighted feeds, you can see how much she takes and compare it to how much she normally pumps – if it’s about the same or more, you don’t need to pump for that session. If it’s less, you might want to. If you’re not doing weighted feeds, you could see how empty your breasts feel after nursing – if it seems like you still have milk – you might want to pump to maintain your milk supply. Hope that helps!
Leslie says
Thanks for sharing! I cannot agree more with everything you’ve shared. My little one was born 5 weeks early and while he was only in the NICU for 9 days we still weren’t able to pick up on breastfeeding between the need to fortify his feedings and conserve his energy so he is strong enough to eat. I’m exclusively pumping and The only other things I’d add is sugar free Gatorade is a God send for hydration and increasing supply as is fenugreek! I’m exhausted but it’s so rewarding knowing I’m responsible for helping my little one grow and develop!!
Ginger says
As another NICU graduate mom (32 weeks at birth, 5.5 weeks in NICU), I know the pumping stress. Another thing I’d add to the “what I knew on day 1” is the NICU nurses can stress you out more than the LCs. I recall multiple times that first week in the NICU wondering what I was doing wrong bc I kept hearing “Are you pumping 8 times per day? It’s really important. Let’s get a lactation consultant for you.” After 5+ weeks, I started to hear the same thing repeated to all the other new moms. I fully appreciated all my NICU nurses did to take care of my teeny baby, but they weren’t easy to be around until my milk came in. Then it was suddenly, “Oh, you have a great supply!” So… any other new NICU moms, take heart. It will come and you’ll be fine. And if it doesn’t, you and your baby will still be fine.
Alyssa says
We were In the NICU 80 days with my son born at 27 weeks. This was pretty much my exact experience. I was pumping 12 times a day and although I was pumping PLENTY of milk, I was not meeting lacations’ daily goals. The only advice I got was to try showering before each pump and to add another pumping session. I had a complete breakdown. I was getting less than three hours of sleep every night. I decided on my own to drop two sessions so I could get a little more sleep. Lo and behold, my supply increased! Thanks for sharing your experience. This should be shared with every pumping NICU mom.
Daniela says
Wow, this is pretty much exactly my experience! A scary one after my little one came unexpectedly at 28 weeks. We were at the NICU for a little over two months – very long and painful ones. Pumping at the NICU is hell for sure but you do what you gotta do and you find the strength to make it through 12 hour days 7/7 even though at the time, it never seems like it’s going to end. A defining and incredible experience all in all but here we are today with a healthy 6 and a half month old and all the sacrifices were worth it. Exclusive pumping sucks, for sure, but it’s doable and helps you get some sleep if your parent is willing to pick up the slack. I think I will start weaning when she’s 7 months old and she should have enough in the freezer to last her another month or so. Can’t ask for any more from myself than that :p good luck mamas!
Meredith says
Awww Erin. I’m so sorry that you and Ned had to go through that. But it is heartening to hear what fighters you both are and how well you’re doing today. It sounds like you had lots of support, both with entering the Fun (Not) World of Pumping and with dealing with the anxiety — that’s awesome. And it’s so good to hear that you are not beating yourself up about formula or saying goodbye to the pump; you do you, mama.
I don’t have much to contribute except to say that we went through laryngomalacia and a scary (unrelated) lengthy hospital stay too, which also gave me PPA. Solidarity! And hope you enjoy getting to watch your beautiful son come into his own while you have more time for him and yourself.